Sunday, May 11, 2014

A Kidney for Mother's Day

The big journey begins, May 11th, Mother's Day

I've never been so scared in my life.
Mom and me 26 years ago
My mother is extremely amazing and strong. She's been through a lot and always tries to give us what she knows is best. I have known about her kidney disease since early adulthood. I knew it was the gene that had grandpa when I was young. I had offered my kidney to her immediately over 6 years ago, but she did not accept; she was concerned for my future, for my life-style, and for the changes.
I have prepared for this for the past 6 years, giving her only hints. Today was my finalized announcement. It's been playing over and over in my head for the past year. Not exactly how I imagined it would go, but close enough.
My announcement to her: "Happy Mother's Day! I have completed all the exams and there is only 2 more to go before I meet up with the surgeon and his team this June 11th! These tests will determine what happens next."
I've done nearly everything on my bucket list (so I'd have no regrets). I have used up my savings time and time again. This is nearly one of the last things on that list, and I won't feel fulfilled until it is done. There will be a new bucket list for the next chapter.
She responded the same way as she always did before I tell her I want to do something big--skydiving, bungee jumping, traveling, "Why do I have a girl like this?" But this time, not ending it with, "Why can't you be like the other good girls (traditional Asian stereotype), and not like a boy." Today, it ended with a long pause, before a series of sobs and deep breathes.
Mom and me now
This amazing strong women cries!...? I didn't know how to respond. There is no way to tell what the next few months will look like. I have no experience in this. I wish I did, then I wouldn't be in such a state. I just know, she is where I find my calm; she is my safe person; and I love her unconditionally. I've never been so scared.

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